When memes stalk my brain...

[hippybngstockng]

I am so deeply amused right now- I've been under this hazy choking wank of insecurity the size of a solar system lately... Navel gazing of such a scale it could obliterate a civilization, nigh MASSIVE selfish thoughts that violate the Monkeysphere with such disdain it's not even funny...

And today, the lovely tafkar posted this meme, and now I am just sure my entire friends list has logged on to comment! LOL

The longer it goes on, the more I can see myself there.. so I feel I should probably participate so I can get a sense of perspective. I love the occasional boot to the head.

So lemme have it... Or just unload if you need to...

MEME From tafkar:

Things happen. Sometimes you just have to bite your tongue. Maybe you have good news you can't share just yet. Maybe someone is really pissing you off. (Maybe it's even me.) Perhaps you have a confession to make. If you could say anything to anyone right now, what it be?

Anonymous posting turned on; IP logging turned off. (or it will be in a moment... be patient)

BTW, if you are directing your comments at me, please specify; it is at times hard to figure this out.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

My husband thinks my bestfriend is gay, but he's actually my lover.

[obvious.livejournal.com]

I went out and had a full breakfast the other weekend, with bacon and sausage. I'm a very bad vegetarian ... I couldn't take it anymore. I needed smoked pig and I needed it BAD!

[hippybngstockng.livejournal.com]

LOL! that's the exact reason I've never managed to be a vegetarian! I always reach this point where I go on a zombie quest for MEAT!

[dartfaerie.livejournal.com]

That monkeysphere thing is really speaking too me. I think part of my problem comes from actually thinking about and trying to care about all those fucking people, and that's why I end up staying in my pjs all day and eating candy. :/

[hippybngstockng.livejournal.com]

I do that too... Other times I can reach a zen state of just loving everyone and trying to be good... never lasts. Damn monkey brains...

[dartfaerie.livejournal.com]

Yea, I can't do that without a little herbal help lol....

[(Anonymous)]

1. hating me for my diagnosis makes you an ugly, fucking bigot.
2. not even your friends really like you. either of you.
3. paranoia and self-absorption are a terrible combination. i think that most of the things written in tafkar's comments are about me.
4. i don't trust anyone. anyone.
5. i'm bitter and jealous of my friends. it's poison. all i want is a better life.
6. you haven't asked for it, but i forgive you for putting your hands on me in anger.
7. you're an asshole.
8. you're an asshole.
9. you're an asshole.
10. your husband kissed me on the mouth once, inciting an irrational attraction and years of fantasy... most of them involving both of you.
11. i have an insanely large crush on you. it's embarrassing.

[hippybngstockng.livejournal.com]

#3 is why I posted this of course :)

And if I knew who #1 was I would smack them for you, no matter who you are. That is indeed just wrong wrong wrong.

[in-the-annex.livejournal.com]

This is wonderful. Someone should set up a community for this!

[hippybngstockng.livejournal.com]

I think I found one once, I wish I could remember what it was called... I think I was doing a search for advice, and there was a confessional or something :) But this is fun too!

[(Anonymous)]

1. I spun down into the deepest depression of my life last year because I felt I couldn't measure up to my current lover's standards, and felt worthless to everyone else.
2. During that period, I cut myself more often than I let on. I fantasized about it all the time.
3. I started dating the one who (unknowingly) precipitated my depression. I felt an odd mixture of wonder and fear.
4. It's no secret that I love you (I get tears every time I think about my feelings for you), but I'm also scared that I may unconsciously sabotage the relationship.
5. I adore my therapist.
6. I believe in, trust in, and love God.

[(Anonymous)]

1. I'm insanely jealous of somebody I've never met because they're sleeping with an ex I don't want anymore. (Hey, I SAID "insanely," didn't I ...?)
2. During my depressive jags, I prove that I'm the biggest loser in the world by letting dirty laundry, dishes, and mail pile up until my place looks like a landfill.
3. I'm a big ol' chickenshit. I get a serious flirt on with a total hottie, or I get a lead on an exciting job, & I choke. Every time! & it's f*cking up my life!
4. On the other hand, I lust after friends, co-workers, friends' S.O.s .... So, when I get done being a chickenshit, I'm a bad novel waiting to happen.
5. To the (kind of hot ...) friend who tells me that excercising gives you more energy: I know that you mean well, but ... ARE YOU ON CRACK?!?
6. & to the person who keeps suggesting that we do things & then cancelling @ the last minute: Next time, the answer is "How about never? Is never good for you?"
7. I'm a bad parent: I play favorites. I try not to, but I'm afraid that they can tell.
8. I'm a worse kid. In my defense, the parent I should be calling is certifiable. I'm much happier when I don't have to think about them.
9. To all of the friends I've "gone missing" on: I'm really, really sorry. When I get depressed, I start to think that you all must loath me & then set about trying to make it happen by being totally unreliable. I'm trying to change, but it's hard!
10. I yell at the TV. I think that there are probably more constructive ways to express myself ....

[(Anonymous)]

OK, reading that back, I think that I should point out that I'm a "parent" only in the sense that I have a number of pets. Some of whom are better pets than others.

[hippybngstockng.livejournal.com]

HEY! I know I said anonymous, but WHO snuck into my subconscious last night and used my inner voice to write this... This could have been me...

Except for #1 which I know isn't me.
And happily I don't get involved with other people's SO's like in #4, I stick to the co-workers so I can risk losing my job! but still awful close!

However, #6 is probably meant to be pointed at me, as I know it's a thing about me that makes me suck- and I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry to whoever it is.. It's mainly a symptom of the other 8.

[(Anonymous)]

#6: Not you, but work on that.

& re: poaching on other people's S.O.s: just an evil daydream. Haven't actually done it, hope I know better if I'm ever tempted.

[hippybngstockng.livejournal.com]

Oh I day dream about other people's SO's, sometimes with the other people ;) I think everyone does that to a certain extent. Seeing someone who's in a good relationship can often make that person intoxicating because their happiness makes them more attractive to everyone. Single available people are often less happy, and less secure with themselves, and as a result less attractive. I think it's a totally common thing :) You always want what you can't have. No need to defend yourself. I mentioned it because I did have a bad habit of macking on my co-workers :) And occasionally even my boss.

And yes, I am trying to work on #6!

[(Anonymous)]

I never told you that that 3way I once had, with you and someone else a long time ago, was very nice. I also never told you that you were the best part of it.

[hippybngstockng.livejournal.com]

*swoons*
*HOPES it was for her*
*Thinks of who it might be*
*blushes*
*remembers it wasn't specified*
*gets disappointed*
*mopes*

[(Anonymous)]

1. I'm not in love with my baby's father. I'm with him because we have a baby. Every day I can stand him just a little bit less. I broke up with him a year ago, but found out I was pregnant a few days later and made the biggest mistake of my life in trying to work it out with him for the sake of having an intact nuclear family. He's a wonderful father, and a good provider, and sometimes he's even a good friend. But I can't dredge up a scrap of romantic feeling for him anymore.
2. I am, in fact, in love with someone else and have been (with varying levels of intensity) for years now.

[petalmcmako.livejournal.com]

There is a man at work that I would really really like to punch as hard as I can.

No real reason, except that he's built like one of those doll things with the weight in the bottom that come back up when you hit them.

I just want to see what happens.

There is another man at work I want to punch. But that is because he is a wee troll.

Actually, I have a list in my head of people at work who need either a punch or a slap. The sad part is, I don't know all of tehir names.

[hippybngstockng.livejournal.com]

I worked in this camera store in New York once, only for a couple months, but the people there never forgot me.

There was this other really obnoxious know-it-all guy who was actually dumb as dirt who never listened to any instructions you gave him. One day he comes barking up to me, while I am trying to assist a customer in using one of those weird Kodak enlargement machines, and starts going off on something I had written on an envelope for another customer's reprints. It was clear he hadn't taken time to try to read or understand the note I had written, which wasn't even meant for him- the little monkey whose job it is to carry it from one side of the store to the other- and so I just immediately shut him down by saying that he needed to wait his turn, shut up, go back and wait by the counter and I would happily come back over there in just a moment and explain it to him, while I was punching him...

All of a sudden my co-workers were flooding out of the woodwork with big grins waving 5 dollar bills in my face trying to get me to actually kick his ass. It was priceless :)

[(Anonymous)]

(not a comment directed at you)
I don't like your child.