double growf and a writing duh..
Aug. 4th, 2004 03:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hippybngstockngI was all excited today because I thought I was going to get to see ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
greyaenigma by driving down to Niagara Falls, since he's in the area for a GO conference, but it was not to be. Not only did we get way to late a start to hit the short window of time he was there for, but the tour he was with seemed to be rather heavily scheduled with activities so there was a chance I would have missed him anyway unless I'd been lucky enough to run into him right before or after he did some tourist activity. Sounds like he got to ride the Maid of the Mist which is something I have always wanted to do, so I hope he had a good time! I wasn't planning on doing that this time around because K is currently not too fond of being sprayed in the face (too many times of me getting frisky with the garden hose I guess) so I thought the trip wouldn't go over too well. Better to spend the money when he's a little older and can appreciate it more.
So after we figured out that timing was against us I decided we'd go to the store instead. I dropped the dog off home so she wouldn't be left in the parking lot and headed to the Loblaw's. Once in the store K decided he was in the mood to run amok and not willing to negotiate either sitting in the cart or staying with me instead of running in large wide circles through the store (which with another person along is acceptable, but on my own is not). I gave him 3 chances to clean up his act so we could get the things we desperately needed and he never managed to settle down so we left. I tried not to guilt trip him on the way out but I did let him know that this would result in our continuing to be out of milk.
Before you tell me I should just shop while he's screaming and ignore anyone who stares, let me elaborate.. Lately when he's mad, for any reason at all, he starts hitting himself in the head repeatedly even sometimes yelling STOP at top volume (probably because when he starts doing it we ask him to please stop hitting himself). Every time this starts in public now, I start to feel like if I stay the course (i.e.: me trying to smile and push cart with screaming child beating himself and yelling stop through an entire grocery store worth of shopping) that eventually someone in the store is going to wonder if I usually hit him or something, so little ol' me, the big proponent of "screw what other people think" usually turns tail between my legs and just walks out the door instead of letting strangers watch my kid have this particular variety of fit. I just don't want to end up under loads of scrutiny for a stupid misunderstanding. We have enough scrutiny with the ASD thing as it is.
So I'm disappointed in how today is going so far, but compared to yesterday it's been a good day except for the complete lack of food.
I also had a real D'OH realization about my writers block. I've been trying to blame all sorts of things for it, but today I came to see the simple truth- It's likely been my need to be a Science Fiction writer that's been the problem- I like things to be plausible, I'm funny that way. My Science Fu sucks so hard these days that I can usually shoot down my plot ideas before I can get to write them down. If I would just stop telling myself that I need to write SF and just F'ing write ANY DAMN THING I might write more, ya think? Duh.
greyaenigma by driving down to Niagara Falls, since he's in the area for a GO conference, but it was not to be. Not only did we get way to late a start to hit the short window of time he was there for, but the tour he was with seemed to be rather heavily scheduled with activities so there was a chance I would have missed him anyway unless I'd been lucky enough to run into him right before or after he did some tourist activity. Sounds like he got to ride the Maid of the Mist which is something I have always wanted to do, so I hope he had a good time! I wasn't planning on doing that this time around because K is currently not too fond of being sprayed in the face (too many times of me getting frisky with the garden hose I guess) so I thought the trip wouldn't go over too well. Better to spend the money when he's a little older and can appreciate it more.So after we figured out that timing was against us I decided we'd go to the store instead. I dropped the dog off home so she wouldn't be left in the parking lot and headed to the Loblaw's. Once in the store K decided he was in the mood to run amok and not willing to negotiate either sitting in the cart or staying with me instead of running in large wide circles through the store (which with another person along is acceptable, but on my own is not). I gave him 3 chances to clean up his act so we could get the things we desperately needed and he never managed to settle down so we left. I tried not to guilt trip him on the way out but I did let him know that this would result in our continuing to be out of milk.
Before you tell me I should just shop while he's screaming and ignore anyone who stares, let me elaborate.. Lately when he's mad, for any reason at all, he starts hitting himself in the head repeatedly even sometimes yelling STOP at top volume (probably because when he starts doing it we ask him to please stop hitting himself). Every time this starts in public now, I start to feel like if I stay the course (i.e.: me trying to smile and push cart with screaming child beating himself and yelling stop through an entire grocery store worth of shopping) that eventually someone in the store is going to wonder if I usually hit him or something, so little ol' me, the big proponent of "screw what other people think" usually turns tail between my legs and just walks out the door instead of letting strangers watch my kid have this particular variety of fit. I just don't want to end up under loads of scrutiny for a stupid misunderstanding. We have enough scrutiny with the ASD thing as it is.
So I'm disappointed in how today is going so far, but compared to yesterday it's been a good day except for the complete lack of food.
I also had a real D'OH realization about my writers block. I've been trying to blame all sorts of things for it, but today I came to see the simple truth- It's likely been my need to be a Science Fiction writer that's been the problem- I like things to be plausible, I'm funny that way. My Science Fu sucks so hard these days that I can usually shoot down my plot ideas before I can get to write them down. If I would just stop telling myself that I need to write SF and just F'ing write ANY DAMN THING I might write more, ya think? Duh.
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no subject
Date: 2004-08-04 12:23 pm (UTC)That's true. I never expected to write a historical novel, and I've got abut 75 pages of it...
no subject
Date: 2004-08-04 01:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-04 12:27 pm (UTC)Also, I've been there with your writing situation. I got to a point where I told myself that if I wasn't writing my novel, I wasn't going to be writing at all. Which doesn't make much sense either. I'm starting to change my thinking on that and expand into other stories when I have the urge. It's working out better. :)
I never knew you were a writer. We have so much in common!
no subject
Date: 2004-08-04 01:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-04 12:37 pm (UTC)What is ASD again?
His behavior sounds a lot like a kid I used to babysit. He'd scream (like SCREAM!) and scratch himself when he got mad. When we were at home, I could just ignore him and he'd settle down after about ten or twenty minutes. But if I had to take him out, I couldn't just let him shreak, you know? It was SO hard not to get frustrated, so I can't imagine how much stress it puts on you having him all the time.
I hope he grows out of it soon, for the grown up's sake!
no subject
Date: 2004-08-04 12:50 pm (UTC)ASD is Autism Spectrum Disorder which is a fancy way of saying that he's autistic but not so severely that it can be utterly classified as one variety or another. In his case he's just taking a really long time to pick up language and socialization, I think because he's more interested in objects than in interacting with people. When he does interact he gets seriously frustrated quite easily (and also doesn't really know how to deal with those emotions either). I've gotten used to it for the most part, but this particular thing is just too much. I hope he does grow out of it soon or we're never going to eat right again! ;)
no subject
Date: 2004-08-04 01:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-04 01:09 pm (UTC)It's not my favorite type of reading (in fact, frequently it pisses me off and I don't bother with it) so I always feel a little ridiculous writing it, like a poseur ;)
I should think about that though, they're easy enough to throw away if I hate 'em :)
no subject
Date: 2004-08-04 02:19 pm (UTC)After my asking repeatedly for some kind of schedule for the trip, they waited until were got, then foreshortened our trip time so that instead of the expected 5pm departure time, we left at 2pm.
More on the falls after a nap or something. Maybe I'm just waterlogged. And yes, I suspect K might not have liked the Maid of the Mist.
no subject
Date: 2004-08-04 04:54 pm (UTC)Now, I understand your public child behavior dilemmas. No matter how strongly one might have thought 'who cares what people think', it's different once you've been in that situation! This is one reason why I always make it a point to comment to strangers on their children 's GOOD behavior when I observe it in public...especially when it looks like they might be children that aren't always such 'angels' (I can always tell *L*) - I figure the parents can use one compliment to make up for the nasty looks on other occasions!
For all your recent self-deprecating parenting feelings (that I've heard of), I have to say I really admire your flexibility- a crucial virtue for any parent (anybody, really!) but I imagine especially for the parent of a child with ASD *and* a parent of a child the age of yours! You have a double whammy in your hands and that has to take SO much energy, wisdom, and patience! The call to cancel (or not to schedule) the Maid of the Mist thing, is just one little example of selfless consideration for your child's happiness over yours - I think K is lucky to have the mom he has!