Updates? We don't need no stinking updates...

[hippybngstockng]

Today we had the second half of the evaluation to determine whether K is autistic, or ADD or something else. He was a lot more focused on the tasks at hand this time, at least until it was actually his time to do specific stuff :) We had to answer another set of questions (which sounded to me like the same set I answered during part 1) and then I got to watch my kid from the other side of a one-way mirror while she tried to get him to play with certain toys in certain ways! It was interesting to get to see what he is like if I am not in the room, especially since I ended up going back in at another point and it was totally different. I am very interested to see what they end up saying, especially since they had to remind me to stay out of it at least once, where Crash was good and stayed out totally, but K also didn't try to call on him for anything- an example- When I wasn't in the room and the woman took a truck he'd been playing with and put it away he got upset, but didn't try to get Crash step in to get the truck. When I was in the room and she did the same, he tried to come to me as if I would get it for him, and when I wouldn't he climbed in my lap to mope about it. That's straight up mommy-favoring, I know, but it's still interesting to me since I usually think of him as thinking of Crash as the sucker- when it's the two of us and I won't give in to a demand, he will often seek out Crash, as if he already is aware that if one parent says no that the other might be a dork and say yes before talking to the one who said no :)

Eventually the pressure of not getting his way was becoming too much, and he started getting really worn out, and luckily it seemed like they had the info they needed. We have to bring him back for a physical so they can make sure there isn't a biological reason for anything- like his mouth and tongue might not be developed enough to handle speaking and that could be the cause of some of this! I wish them luck in getting him to open his mouth for them to look inside though :) I've never managed it, even with a toothbrush or food! After that they have to take a while to talk to a lot of people about it all and then they'll tell us what they think.

It's interesting how this works as opposed to how I thought it worked. I figured it would be like going to the doctor- You meet one guy and he asks some questions, and then maybe does a few tests and then he tells you what he thinks and you go from there. What it's been is more like diagnosis by committee: We've met a slew of people. First some people came to the house, then they went and talked to some other people about us. Then another person came over, then she apparently sat down with a whole bunch of other people (including the first people we met) mostly people we've never met and talked about meeting us. Then those people decided what to do next, so we came in to see yet more people. Now that we've done that, those people will go back to the people who haven't met us, and talk about it again with some additional people, and then finally they will decide what they think is going on with him and tell us what they think we should do about it... I feel like an international incident instead of a parent of a kid with a developmental problem! But at the same time it makes sense- all these people have different specialties and knowledge and will perceive different things about him in different ways, so it's a good thing that so many people get involved, but it feels weird just because I'm used to a more one on one approach to medicine, and this has always felt like a medical issue to me I guess. A lot of today got video-taped so the folks in the final committee will get to see the real deal instead of various people's perceptions, and I am sorry/happy to say that it was some of K at his best/worst so I am hopeful it will truly be the answer.

Specifically he was being snarly because of toys he wasn't being allowed to have and being upset enough so it shut him down functionally for anything else, even getting the toy back- essentially my day to day life with him. He ignored the woman trying to play with him, didn't meet her eye, and did the whole thing he usually does- when he got the toy he went all meditative and silent again, basically every single behavior he does that creeps me out all packed into one tiny blast, and all conveniently caught on tape. When she asked me to try to get him to smile he ignored me too. It's awfully hard to get his attention when he's like that. Later when we were walking to the bus stop all I had to do was call his name and grin at him and he smiled right back, but when there's toys involved, it's "shunning everyone" time... I felt kind of bad for feeling happy that he ended up "doing his thang" since he had been in a really good mood and acting pretty normal-kid when we first got there, but we did kind of need to know, and it was good for them to see it too. I guess it's my continued, "if I can see it, why can't I fix it" problem.

I am also still over-explaining my lack of certain anxieties to the evaluation people, but they still always seem to want to hear it :) They are always telling me how sorry they are that it's taking so long, and I guess that's just my first answer. I don't want to come across as an uncaring parent, but if I weren't caring I guess I wouldn't be there getting evaluated so they assume I am the other extreme. Since I often feel like I might be blowing this all out of proportion, I have a tendency to apologize a lot.

I do have reasons for concern though- I remember my depression coming on at an ALARMINGLY young age. I had reasons to be depressed, but my reaction to them was out of proportion I think. I had a lot of people who talked to me a lot of the time, it wasn't like all this stuff was happening around me and no one ever tried to explain it to me. They explained plenty, in fact probably too much. I understood a lot of it, even understood my feelings about it to a certain extent, but since it all felt wrong, feeling bad seemed to become the norm. In a way I wonder if I am just addicted to feeling bad. Feeling bad is something I know really well, it's comfortable and safe. I've only recently come to realize that it's likely because of how far back it goes. I remember as young as 5 fixating on whether or not people loved me, and feeling lonely and miserable and undeserving of love. 5 year olds should only know how they feel about their big wheel at that age, they should never seriously focus on the question of whether their family really loves them, or just says they do...

I'm just glad that we live in a day and age where I can bring these concerns to people and not have them look at me like I'm an insane worrying mother. Yes, I'm insane, yes, I worry, and yes, I am a mother, but that doesn't mean I use the three together to waste people's time... I know there are people who do that, but they would not be me. The fact that this organization we are working with is new, and using new concepts, is clear indicator of how recent a change that is. I remember people telling my mom about my depression when I was in school, I remember being sent to guidance counselors, but usually they blamed my situation for every problem I had. Basically like saying if my mom's life wasn't so fucked up I'd be okay, which really wasn't true. Most of the kids I knew who acted out because of their situation did bad things. I never did bad things, so much as needy things. I competed for attention, specific types of attention a lot of the time, but no one looked at it as a straight up depression so much as my inability to cope with my family troubles. I was in perfect control of my family situation, I actually felt pretty secure in my ability to stand up to them and get what I wanted, especially my mom. I think now it was more just myself I wasn't in control of, and never learned quite how to maintain. I can handle situations, but how I react to them is completely arbitrary. Sounds like depression to me, but of course I am not a doctor... Anyway, my point is that whenever my mom tried to get someone to listen to her about me they would tell her she worried too much. I probably would be a lot better off if someone had helped me deal with my depression when I was young instead of waiting until it was a learned behavior- and so I am glad K gets this attitude from people instead of "he's just being a toddler" because he's not just a toddler, he's weird, there's no denying it...

So enough already-


The weather was awful most of today, but is now turning around a little. I don't trust it though- I've lived in this region long enough to know "good clouds" from untrustworthy ones. I don't trust the sky not to rain again, the clouds are suspicious. K is also still very worn out from the playing and then not getting his way, but he's avoiding a nap again today. I was supposed to meet snowpea1980 on Monday, and hang out while our kids play, but either the weather or the kids have been conspiring against us ever since! We almost managed it yesterday, but K actually made it clear that HE WANTED TO NAP which was amazing- He was in his room under the covers with the lights off watching his "Learning about Letters" Sesame Street video. It was so surprising I couldn't help but giggle, but I felt bad having to skip out twice in a row...

Next week should be interesting I am sure because we'll have Grandma's car! He loves my mom's car, so it will be fun to see how owning it will be- I wonder if he will expect her to be coming with it. That part might be puzzling at first, but hopefully he'll catch on when we move OUR stuff in, and her stuff gets taken out. She's got these crazy cup holders, and a cover over the back seat- we have crazy front seat covers, and no extra dash board attachments, so it will likely look like a different car on the inside at least. We may have to buy him a new car seat at this point- he is getting too tall for his old one, and his feet are going to be up around his neck if Daddy sits in the front seat of my mom's car, so I think it's time for a booster seat instead. He's over 3 feet tall even if he doesn't weigh much.

Well that's the kid update for the moment- I might work on a MOMMY update for later. Looks like I might get a couple days off sometime soon if we can figure out some good logistics- but I'll blather about that later.

Comments

[dartfaerie.livejournal.com]

"5 year olds should only know how they feel about their big wheel at that age, they should never seriously focus on the question of whether their family really loves them, or just says they do..."

I know exactly what you mean. My family was in therapy starting when I was 2 or 3. It went on for years, and it never fucking HELPED anyone as far I as can tell. It just made me feel more doubtful and questioning of my own behavior. I'm very thankful they didn't push antidepressants on kids back in the 80s like they do now, or my mother would have had me drugged up in no time. *space* Ugh. Then I never would have had the sense to rebel. *smirk*

[storychick.livejournal.com]

Do you really think that's all 5 year olds worry about? I felt like the other kids didnt worry about the stuff I worried about (as in, *everything* lol) but when I talk to people it seems everyone did. Maybe I just hang out with fucked up people, which is entirely possible. :)

Glad the evaluation is over and they seem to have gotten what they needed. Hope they get back to you quickly so you can move on which what you need to do.

[rednikki.livejournal.com]

Hey - just found out something that may be useful.

There is apparently a syndrome that (I think) mimics autism that has to do with the way the body processes cassein and gluten. Google on autism and gluten. Apparently, if you yank all the cassein (dairy) and gluten (wheat, mostly) out of the child's diet, there's three days of suck, but then their symptoms markedly improve.