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hippybngstockngAt this point there's no actual plan, more of an IF/THEN tree...
IF there is work for Crash here that will pay all the bills, THEN we will get that work and stay.
IF there is NO work here for Crash (which also includes working from home possibilities), THEN we will be exploring the option of returning to the US.
IF we are exploring the US as a possibility, THEN it might be that I would hop in the car and come out to Seattle and just get ANY DAMN JOB that will get us just barely enough money to start over again out there.
Needless to say I am having a moving sale, very soon. Everything that isn't deeply adored, or wasn't regularly coughed on by a seriously beloved relative at some point really must go.
And I also made it abundantly clear last night that the longer I ponder it, the more I am for the third scenario, and really need to be talked off the ledge on this one...
Pointy Points:
- Lack of sunlight really does tend to fuck with me. I'm also mega-allergic to mold. If I go back to Seattle, I am going to need LOTS of lamps, and LOTS of drugs. Thankfully I can get that within 90 days of getting a job.
- BUT, I haven't been employed in *looks at watch* about 7 years, really..
- Seattle, while being chock full of people I know and love, is also still not the hottest as far as employment opportunities for Crash. I'm pretty generic, but Crash might get a lot further in life if we chose someplace like LA.
- We are so oh my fucking fuck broke right now from the last move, I can't imagine a way we'd afford another cross country one, unless that moving sale really brings in a lot of cash.
- Being out there again puts me too far from my CT family to even consider visiting them. From here they are only a day's drive, but this is not a really good reason to stay, since it's been 4 years since I could afford to do it.
Other softer points are that my mom, who doesn't know this has happened yet, will whine like a little bitch and likely refuse to help us this time. That's fine, she can fucking bite me. Living with her, and then still pretty near her, has been no picnic at all for me. I could use having that massive distance back, even if it does mean occasionally getting her in larger doses. She's unwilling to actually work on any of our issues, preferring to go on denying there was ever a problem to begin with, other than maybe me not just tolerating her and sucking it all up. I don't need her bullshit, and she seems bent on not changing. I won't be staying for her, except that K really does love the shit out of her, and he would be sad about it.
Another softer point is that I worry that part of this is a reflex running away reaction. I feel threatened, so I want to run to what I perceive as home. In a way though, it's not. I'm not originally from there, I just happen to really love the scenery, and I lived there longer than I've lived just about anywhere else as an adult. People I know and love are there in mass quantities, which makes having friends easy, lazy even. I've become very lazy about the work it takes to make new friends, and I will only get lazier if I run home now and just dive right back in where I was. It's very sweet and all that I really want to do this, but logic dictates that there might be other locations better suited to us and our long term needs. You folks love us, and we love you, but you can't really protect us in the longer term in that sense..
We had an interesting discussion last night, about me and how I tend to react to this kind of stuff..
Interesting thing to note about Crash and I- We're both only children of single mothers. His parents divorced when he was old enough to remember, he spent summers with his real dad, and then he had a step-dad for a few years who also divorced his mom. In my world there was no real dad. There were several long term boyfriends, but no step-father, just a long chain of losers, and the biggest loser of all was of course my real dad. This makes for an interesting parallel- He flows pretty easily in and out of social situations, and friendships, and can get attached and can also let go. Attachment for me however is a giant unholy issue. I have very thin boundaries, so it takes me a lot of force of will to allow someone in close enough to where they might get through them. It either takes a really interesting short time, or a very long time for me to become attached to most people. Once I am though, you will NEVER get rid of me. I am like a stain, I never fully wash out, so you will catch glimpses of me through the rest of your life unless you totally throw me away, or use lasers to have me removed.
The obvious point I am trying to make here is that I haven't been in Canada long enough to become all that attached. I had noticed this in myself already a little, and I could see how in turn it makes it really easy for me to consider and even be passionate about this cut-and-run scenario now, especially if I get to run to the place I AM really attached to, still. It's easy to see it making me happy in the short term, but that's not a promise that everything will be hunky dory because we're now "home".. If anything, it's just bring back a whole slew of really old problems, like those pointy points above, and a whole mess of other smaller points too. The really better choices might be staying and toughing it out here and making this home, or picking some other unspecific location like LA where there's copious industry to fall back on when shit like this happens, which it sure does. It comes down to the old saying: Wherever you go, there you are!
We're still going to be us with our old stupid problems no matter where we go. Moving doesn't really help, or even change anything, except the scenery and the company we keep. It's up to me to make my own happiness, and up to us to keep things going. That means looking before we leap, and not taking the really easy ledge because it's familiar, and it's there.
I am trying really hard to be open to what happens next. I don't think I'm doing very well, and being objective at this point is very hard. The level of reaction versus logic is high. In truth though, even the solutions are problems, and I need to calm down and remember that, all of it. Especially about the mold.
"You may tire of me, as our December sun is setting, cuz I'm not who I used to be..."- DCFC
IF there is work for Crash here that will pay all the bills, THEN we will get that work and stay.
IF there is NO work here for Crash (which also includes working from home possibilities), THEN we will be exploring the option of returning to the US.
IF we are exploring the US as a possibility, THEN it might be that I would hop in the car and come out to Seattle and just get ANY DAMN JOB that will get us just barely enough money to start over again out there.
Needless to say I am having a moving sale, very soon. Everything that isn't deeply adored, or wasn't regularly coughed on by a seriously beloved relative at some point really must go.
And I also made it abundantly clear last night that the longer I ponder it, the more I am for the third scenario, and really need to be talked off the ledge on this one...
Pointy Points:
- Lack of sunlight really does tend to fuck with me. I'm also mega-allergic to mold. If I go back to Seattle, I am going to need LOTS of lamps, and LOTS of drugs. Thankfully I can get that within 90 days of getting a job.
- BUT, I haven't been employed in *looks at watch* about 7 years, really..
- Seattle, while being chock full of people I know and love, is also still not the hottest as far as employment opportunities for Crash. I'm pretty generic, but Crash might get a lot further in life if we chose someplace like LA.
- We are so oh my fucking fuck broke right now from the last move, I can't imagine a way we'd afford another cross country one, unless that moving sale really brings in a lot of cash.
- Being out there again puts me too far from my CT family to even consider visiting them. From here they are only a day's drive, but this is not a really good reason to stay, since it's been 4 years since I could afford to do it.
Other softer points are that my mom, who doesn't know this has happened yet, will whine like a little bitch and likely refuse to help us this time. That's fine, she can fucking bite me. Living with her, and then still pretty near her, has been no picnic at all for me. I could use having that massive distance back, even if it does mean occasionally getting her in larger doses. She's unwilling to actually work on any of our issues, preferring to go on denying there was ever a problem to begin with, other than maybe me not just tolerating her and sucking it all up. I don't need her bullshit, and she seems bent on not changing. I won't be staying for her, except that K really does love the shit out of her, and he would be sad about it.
Another softer point is that I worry that part of this is a reflex running away reaction. I feel threatened, so I want to run to what I perceive as home. In a way though, it's not. I'm not originally from there, I just happen to really love the scenery, and I lived there longer than I've lived just about anywhere else as an adult. People I know and love are there in mass quantities, which makes having friends easy, lazy even. I've become very lazy about the work it takes to make new friends, and I will only get lazier if I run home now and just dive right back in where I was. It's very sweet and all that I really want to do this, but logic dictates that there might be other locations better suited to us and our long term needs. You folks love us, and we love you, but you can't really protect us in the longer term in that sense..
We had an interesting discussion last night, about me and how I tend to react to this kind of stuff..
Interesting thing to note about Crash and I- We're both only children of single mothers. His parents divorced when he was old enough to remember, he spent summers with his real dad, and then he had a step-dad for a few years who also divorced his mom. In my world there was no real dad. There were several long term boyfriends, but no step-father, just a long chain of losers, and the biggest loser of all was of course my real dad. This makes for an interesting parallel- He flows pretty easily in and out of social situations, and friendships, and can get attached and can also let go. Attachment for me however is a giant unholy issue. I have very thin boundaries, so it takes me a lot of force of will to allow someone in close enough to where they might get through them. It either takes a really interesting short time, or a very long time for me to become attached to most people. Once I am though, you will NEVER get rid of me. I am like a stain, I never fully wash out, so you will catch glimpses of me through the rest of your life unless you totally throw me away, or use lasers to have me removed.
The obvious point I am trying to make here is that I haven't been in Canada long enough to become all that attached. I had noticed this in myself already a little, and I could see how in turn it makes it really easy for me to consider and even be passionate about this cut-and-run scenario now, especially if I get to run to the place I AM really attached to, still. It's easy to see it making me happy in the short term, but that's not a promise that everything will be hunky dory because we're now "home".. If anything, it's just bring back a whole slew of really old problems, like those pointy points above, and a whole mess of other smaller points too. The really better choices might be staying and toughing it out here and making this home, or picking some other unspecific location like LA where there's copious industry to fall back on when shit like this happens, which it sure does. It comes down to the old saying: Wherever you go, there you are!
We're still going to be us with our old stupid problems no matter where we go. Moving doesn't really help, or even change anything, except the scenery and the company we keep. It's up to me to make my own happiness, and up to us to keep things going. That means looking before we leap, and not taking the really easy ledge because it's familiar, and it's there.
I am trying really hard to be open to what happens next. I don't think I'm doing very well, and being objective at this point is very hard. The level of reaction versus logic is high. In truth though, even the solutions are problems, and I need to calm down and remember that, all of it. Especially about the mold.
"You may tire of me, as our December sun is setting, cuz I'm not who I used to be..."- DCFC
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no subject
Date: 2006-08-29 05:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-29 05:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-29 05:44 pm (UTC)Admittedly I'm a huge Canadian chauvinist, but it just seems that if you're going to be poor for a bit, Canada is a less shitty place to be poor in.
no subject
Date: 2006-08-29 05:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-29 05:23 pm (UTC)Up to you. If you find you need to go, we'll work up a going-away party (both of the sad/wake kind, and the kind that helps move)...:)
no subject
Date: 2006-08-29 05:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-29 09:06 pm (UTC)heh, and a ex co-worker sent me a link for a Product Manager - Mobile for Google! Right here!
no subject
Date: 2006-08-29 05:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-29 05:25 pm (UTC)We were talking about sitting down and figuring out specifically What We Do in the next few days, so I can happily include you on the list of folks who're going to get copies of our stuff to pass around if you're willing. I was kinda thinking of asking you if we decide to go the Seattle route, especially since J is in the video game industry, like someone you know! ;)
no subject
Date: 2006-08-29 05:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-29 05:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-30 03:02 pm (UTC)You can email me through my LJ address... my username at livejournal.com.
Thanks!!
no subject
Date: 2006-08-29 05:09 pm (UTC)(HUGS)
Date: 2006-08-29 05:11 pm (UTC)Re: (HUGS)
Date: 2006-08-29 05:35 pm (UTC)Off books here might endanger my chances to become a resident or get citizenship, so I am hesitant. I've even been a little fearful of selling my stuff, but I am going to get over that real soon, so I dunno.. How much of a book could they throw at me for something lame like walking dogs or babysitting, eh?
*HUGS*
Date: 2006-08-29 05:20 pm (UTC)Re: *HUGS*
Date: 2006-08-29 06:32 pm (UTC)And I miss you too.. *mushyhugs*
no subject
Date: 2006-08-29 05:48 pm (UTC)I just wanted to let you know that your icon on this post was made by Barbana for me, if you would please credit it.
no subject
Date: 2006-08-29 06:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-29 05:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-29 06:46 pm (UTC)And then you will smell like cookies.
At any rate, we hearby give willingly of the state of Louisiana for your needs.
Seriously, good luck.
And should you ever need to move south, give us a ring. We'll schmooze the locality for some decent places and job openings.
Re: standing by, babe
Date: 2006-08-29 09:04 pm (UTC)Email me Strahd's number/email addy/IM info, wouldja? The link from my LJ info works. Or rea first name dot real last name at sympatico.ca
Re: standing by, babe
Date: 2006-08-30 03:03 pm (UTC)Oh, and I'm futzing around with LinkedIn. It's kinda neat...
no subject
Date: 2006-08-29 08:48 pm (UTC)Course, I'm not there now. Well, if you want to swing by Orlando, that'd be cool. Not sure how much longer I'll be here either.
no subject
Date: 2006-08-29 09:03 pm (UTC)As ever, you're in our thoughts...
Date: 2006-08-30 07:20 am (UTC)And find out for sure about the unemployment stuff and imigrant status interaction. Because it would suck almost as bad if, for no reason, you missed a benefit that you'ld already paid for...
On a (vaugely) practicle note: Crash, add me to the resume distribution list.
Would you work for EA (in BC)?