What I should have said...
Jul. 1st, 2006 02:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hippybngstockngIt's discouraging to me that I always think that my relationship with my mom is slowly improving, when the reality is closer to the fact that as I've aged I've become better at coping with her, and sidestepping the things that will set her off. In the end, there's some stuff that should still not happen that does, and it pains me.
I would really appreciate her help with organizing and dealing with the furniture and stuff, if she could ever manage to stay calm and think her comments through before she lets them out of her mouth. She has plenty of good ideas, but by the time she gets through her strings of insults and judgment about what you have and haven't done so far, you barely care whether her ideas are good or not. You just wish she would leave you alone, and now you want a cookie, and maybe to crawl under a rock and die. She just has this way of pointing out the deadly obvious, as if you are too slow and blind to see it, or don't want to see it. Oh I see it, that's why I asked you, but you need to shut up about the obvious stuff that's in process. I have a LOT to process, and it might take me a while, so I was looking for SMALL Help(tm), but all she had was OBVIOUS help, which I frankly don't need because it actually makes my process a lot worse.
Basically, long story short, I wanted help arranging what I have on hand so I can figure out what can and can't stay. All we could manage to do was argue about what she thought needed to go, and why (and oh god, her whys go on and on and on). She happens to hate a few of the things I am most fond of and that are the most functional. We agreed on a couple things that will go, but not what order they would go in, since some of them have to hang around until I get through the final bit of the random STUFF that was still hanging around. We did move the living room around, but otherwise she painted a bench, and I cleaned the fish bowls, and I'm really sick of seeing her for a while.
And she also STILL wouldn't shut up and actually listen to me about some of the ways things are going with K. That's a place where the insults come in the form of deadly obvious questions that even the absolute dumbest babysitter on the block should be able to answer. Things that I get really angry about, and usually lash out at her for and we can never manage to have useful conversations about it. What I should really learn to say is something I of course thought of only just after she left today... "Are you asking me that particular dumb question because you doubt my intelligence, or your own parenting skills?" But of course that will just hurt her feelings, and then it will be all about her, when I really do want her to listen and understand some things to see how she could improve on her time with K, and especially not screw up anything we've accomplished by not following through with it. She's very unwilling to follow through with anything that creates a lot of screaming, and that's been a problem for us as far as her taking him on these little vacations. She'll say she's going to do it, you want to trust her, but then you get him back in 4 days and hear she gave up utterly.. Thanks. So much for that... And yet, his unwillingness to eat new things, and do certain things must all be MY fault, riiiiiiiiiiiiiight... Just keep tellin' yourself that maw.. Someday someone's likely to believe you...
Okay. I should get off here because my bitterness is overshadowing the rest of things. It's a beautiful day, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, and I have a great life. I really miss my husband, though I am glad he's having a good time at Origins. I wish I had pushed harder on the plan for all of us to go there instead, and hang out with his great aunt and her new puppy, because if I was going to get pissed on I'd rather it happen with REAL PISS :P
(and no, I don't actually enjoy that kind of thing)
Maybe more later once I've calmed down a bit, and have gotten over enjoying the peace and quiet, and moved straight to the pathetic whining about how much I've been missing![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
uniquecrash5.
I would really appreciate her help with organizing and dealing with the furniture and stuff, if she could ever manage to stay calm and think her comments through before she lets them out of her mouth. She has plenty of good ideas, but by the time she gets through her strings of insults and judgment about what you have and haven't done so far, you barely care whether her ideas are good or not. You just wish she would leave you alone, and now you want a cookie, and maybe to crawl under a rock and die. She just has this way of pointing out the deadly obvious, as if you are too slow and blind to see it, or don't want to see it. Oh I see it, that's why I asked you, but you need to shut up about the obvious stuff that's in process. I have a LOT to process, and it might take me a while, so I was looking for SMALL Help(tm), but all she had was OBVIOUS help, which I frankly don't need because it actually makes my process a lot worse.
Basically, long story short, I wanted help arranging what I have on hand so I can figure out what can and can't stay. All we could manage to do was argue about what she thought needed to go, and why (and oh god, her whys go on and on and on). She happens to hate a few of the things I am most fond of and that are the most functional. We agreed on a couple things that will go, but not what order they would go in, since some of them have to hang around until I get through the final bit of the random STUFF that was still hanging around. We did move the living room around, but otherwise she painted a bench, and I cleaned the fish bowls, and I'm really sick of seeing her for a while.
And she also STILL wouldn't shut up and actually listen to me about some of the ways things are going with K. That's a place where the insults come in the form of deadly obvious questions that even the absolute dumbest babysitter on the block should be able to answer. Things that I get really angry about, and usually lash out at her for and we can never manage to have useful conversations about it. What I should really learn to say is something I of course thought of only just after she left today... "Are you asking me that particular dumb question because you doubt my intelligence, or your own parenting skills?" But of course that will just hurt her feelings, and then it will be all about her, when I really do want her to listen and understand some things to see how she could improve on her time with K, and especially not screw up anything we've accomplished by not following through with it. She's very unwilling to follow through with anything that creates a lot of screaming, and that's been a problem for us as far as her taking him on these little vacations. She'll say she's going to do it, you want to trust her, but then you get him back in 4 days and hear she gave up utterly.. Thanks. So much for that... And yet, his unwillingness to eat new things, and do certain things must all be MY fault, riiiiiiiiiiiiiight... Just keep tellin' yourself that maw.. Someday someone's likely to believe you...
Okay. I should get off here because my bitterness is overshadowing the rest of things. It's a beautiful day, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, and I have a great life. I really miss my husband, though I am glad he's having a good time at Origins. I wish I had pushed harder on the plan for all of us to go there instead, and hang out with his great aunt and her new puppy, because if I was going to get pissed on I'd rather it happen with REAL PISS :P
(and no, I don't actually enjoy that kind of thing)
Maybe more later once I've calmed down a bit, and have gotten over enjoying the peace and quiet, and moved straight to the pathetic whining about how much I've been missing
uniquecrash5.
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