Well it is my journal after all, or it's supposed to be...

[hippybngstockng]

It was Crash's birthday on Saturday of course. On Friday I told him while we were at the Friendly Greek that I thought now would be a safe enough time for us to spend some cash we really don't have on a Playstation 2. You see, when you do game stuff for a living, it's actually a really good idea to spend your money on some things to make sure that you are really in touch with your industry as it were. I understand this completely, and if it weren't for various other concerns I would have seen to it that he had one long ago, but it just never happened.

Needless to say he was a giddy little monkey and so on Saturday I fully planned for him to spend all day playing games and ignoring anyone who wasn't playing a game. NO big deal, we used to do that all the time, in fact I missed it. We had these friends back in Washington that used to come over and spend many long hours playing video games and drinking beer and hanging out. Crash didn't buy anything that wasn't kid friendly so I was looking forward to a little mellow time of serious cartoon butt kicking with friends. It was a lovely afternoon. Perfect Tommy and his mate whom I shall call Robin came over with their son whom I shall call Li. Li is a little younger than K- He just turned 2 recently, but he is more verbal in an interactive way than K. K has just got around to starting to identify everything in sight, but only sometimes, and only in so long as it takes to get to where whatever he wanted something is, and until he points out that thing usually, then we move into tantrum mode. Li is more of a "normal" kid and in this way he almost seemed ahead of K, though K ran circles around him physically of course. I wasn't comparing them specifically, but I was noticing things because lately I've just been trying to notice more. Anyway, it was a lovely day, eventually both kids started to melt down and so they all went home and soon after K passed out pretty early for him. We spent a little more time watching Crash play Soul Calibur 3 or whatever number it is (haven't lived with it long enough to keep track, and I just like the boobies) and eventually we were just too tired to go on and went to bed.

I woke up earlier than everyone again and I just gave up and sat around until K got up and then I kept him company for a while before I prodded Crash out of bed. I planned to give him a little time to work the PS jones out of his system before I made him do anything else, so I did a few things in the background and for a while K was amused. Then eventually he sensed I really wanted his help on a few things and he stopped playing! That was grand, and I was less frustrated though I felt kind of guilty because it was his birthday and all and he just got a cool new toy so I felt like I should let him play, but he's also going away for a few days soon and I needed his help to get a few things done before he left.

He helped me for a while and we got a good start on a few things, and then suddenly he's back on the console... Didn't ask, didn't say anything, just picks it up and starts up his shit again, and when I did ask he tries to make up some excuses about K needing to be entertained and stuff though K has been hounding me for the past 30 minutes while I was doing other things and really needed him out of the way. I do my best to remain patient about it, but I am inwardly cheezed off. I tolerate it for a while, and eventually I do ask him to stop for a while. It takes several requests, both subtle and less subtle but he finally stops, only to pick up on the PC soon after, and then gets sick for about 5 hours before turning into a total potatoe and needing to go to sleep.

So since he was sick there was no way I could really fault him since if I had just BEEN A GOD DAMN BITCH earlier like I should have then I would have gotten my stuff done, he might still have been sick (or maybe not because he said he thought it might have been stress that did it), and then if he felt okay about it he could have played or not and no one would have lost anything, but as it was I was really pissed and not doing a very good job of being patient and cutting him any slack anymore, especially when he started to fall asleep and I'd been up for hours longer than he had, and was completely worn out as well. So I am left with a room I can't walk in that I have zero motivation to deal with, other than perhaps to sort out what's his and put it in a box in the yard with sign that says "free to anyone who will fold them and put them away".

So yah, I did finally just pretty much blow up at him this morning but it didn't help much, and he said he felt quite bad about it and I believe him, but I am just so sick of being the one who always has to make people feel bad, why can't it go back to being me who gets to be an ass and treat them like shit, or the more reasonable and rational why can't they see what they're doing to me while they're doing, even if I am trying to be patient about it, and then STOP and maybe try to FIX IT! You know, BEFORE I have to blow up?

I am doing the best I can to not go on strike, not make anything worse, and I am not making coffee because it would mean having to run water in the bleeding sink. If I have to wipe that sink I will just lose it, so the coffee isn't worth the emotional hassle, fuck you Flylady... I am tempted to quit you because you've put a wedge between me and my first one true love- coffee. But the truth is that it's really the sink's fault. If it wasn't such a scratched up old porous piece of shit I wouldn't care so much about having to wipe it out... I've been tempted to ask people to time themselves on how many seconds it takes them to do a complete wipe and dry- I am betting I could double it even if I hurried... grrrrrrrr......