Why can't children come with a pause button?

[hippybngstockng]

I know this is going to expose me as the giant immature brat that I am, but fuck it.

Sometimes I get really indescribably sick of my son and his UNWILLINGNESS to talk.

Yeah, I know it's probably related to whatever autism/social/developmental/whatever thing is going on with him, but...

Today for example, just now, he wants cheese. I know he can say all three words needed to ask for cheese. I would be perfectly happy if he even skipped one, and just said "want cheese" or even just CHEESE, but NO, he'd much rather cry and throw a fit even though I am also asking clearly for him to tell me, being completely pleasant and patient and simply saying, "I don't know what you are pointing at." or "I don't know which one 'that one'" is (because lately anything he wants is "that one") so I am trying to use tricks that Velma taught me, but I swear if he doesn't take the bate soon I just want to sell him to the frigging gypsies and be done with it!

Because you know what? He will do it for just about anyone else BUT ME and I am starting to take it personally. I know he loves me, and I know it's the last thing a not even 3 year old could do to be a calculating little ass hole and try to hurt a person like that, but I swear to god it feels like that sometimes.

UC5 has a friend I will call "Perfect Tommy" because he looks just like the character from Buckaroo Banzai. Their son is a quiet little dude, but in a much more engaged way than K- definitely NOT autistic or whatever, just quiet. When Perfect Tommy goes out and leaves his mate at home with their son, the kid does what Tommy calls "the shunning" when Tommy says good bye. He doesn't cry, he basically pretends Tom's not there in order to show that he is in fact quite upset...

It's kind of funny, but it is also a somewhat disturbing show of unwillingness to display emotions openly. K doesn't seem to have a problem showing his emotions- he's a perfectly normal toddler when it comes to tantrums, though if he doesn't get his way ultimately he goes for the trains, or pushing a car back and forth until he's in this zen state of detachment so common among autistic folks...

*sigh* I just wish there was a machine that would do this for me sometimes, I know that sounds cold, and I love my son but when he's really going out of his way to stay a giant baby as long as possible it really just makes me want to throw it right back in his damn face and leave him to figure it out for himself. Little jerk. I'm really nice to him, I swear, I barely yell at all, but sometimes I just want to lay it out, "LOOK, I WON'T FEED YOU UNLESS YOU USE WORDS! YOU WILL GO HUNGRY AND DIE!" because I know he knows them, he knows LOTS of them now I know because I've heard them, and I've also heard the pronunciations of those words getting really precise and perfect lately- this kid pronounces "paper" better than I do for crying out loud, and he can't ask me for cheese???

I know I know... He doesn't mean to torture me, he doesn't know I am being tortured, and worry not I have no plans to tell him, not even later in life, I know I am being unreasonable, I know, I just need a break...



tomorrow is Thursday tomorrow is Thursday tomorrow is Thursday tomorrow is Thursday tomorrow is Thursday tomorrow is Thursday tomorrow is Thursday tomorrow is Thursday tomorrow is Thursday tomorrow is Thursday tomorrow is Thursday tomorrow is Thursday tomorrow is Thursday tomorrow is Thursday tomorrow is Thursday tomorrow is Thursday tomorrow is Thursday tomorrow is Thursday tomorrow is Thursday tomorrow is Thursday

Gotta love Thursday...

Comments

[dartfaerie.livejournal.com]

oh honey... it's going to be alright *hugs* i know that feeling, that feeling like they are doing it just to make you mad, but then you know they aren't so you feel worse and then it just spirals... but it will be okay. *smile* thursday is coming ;) btw, my husband loves buckaroo bonzai.

[hippybngstockng.livejournal.com]

Laugh while you can MONKEY BOY!

LOL

I borrowed someone's copy recently and we've watched it a couple times... K doesn't like it much but he watches some of the zoomy bits :) I love Buckaroo but I get irked by it as well for some odd reasons.... weird stories for another post ;)

Thanks for hugs :)

I do love Thursday! And I think I am going to insist on going out for a while tonight as well.

[greyaenigma.livejournal.com]

Did you notice the deleted scenes mention playing Go?

[anngwish42.livejournal.com]

Ooo, now I'm twice as glad I friended you; autism is my second-"favorite" brain weirdness, after bipolar disorder. See, I'm quite the armchair shrink, as is my mother, and we spend way too much time reading books on autism and bipolar disorder, and I used to be a teacher's aide in a school for the autistic. Though amusingly enough, it took us until this year to figure out that I've probably gone undiagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome my whole life. But yeh, anyway, about the little hellion. Of course you have every right to be frustrated, and it doesn't make you an immature brat, it just makes you human. And while he may not be doing this "on purpose" to piss you off, it's not entirely improbable that he subconsciously thinks you'll back down. Maybe the reason he's more responsive and co-operative with other people is because they've made it clear that they won't put up with him performing below his abilities, and maybe once he catches on to the fact that you're not going to give in until he asks for cheese like you know he can, he'll co-operate with you. Just a possibility...

[hippybngstockng.livejournal.com]

I've been referring to myself lately as "the unsolicited advice lady" so I can tell you I am an absolute armchair shrink myself :)

I know I am human, and I also know you are totally right, he pretty much has been testing me as most toddlers do :) he's been specifically avoiding using the right words with me, and I think it does have to do with hoping I'll back down because when I do get sick of the screaming and give up he starts jumping up and down saying "YAY YAY YAY!" and you can tell it's like he totally thinks he just won something... *sigh*

I just have a really low tolerance for the screaming today... I think I am just having a low day myself (hello bipolar!) and so I am just having an extra tough time sticking to the program. I just want to give up and give him his fucking cheese so I can go drink my coffee in peace... *sigh* I know I am human, but sometimes depression really just makes me feel like a bad lazy parent.

And I am so glad to make friends who read books! I am always looking for info! LOL

[inanna.livejournal.com]

*hug*

K is still pretty young, so some of this isn't really applicable, but....

One thing you can train a child is that they have to do something x-long and then they'll get what they want. Example: [boy wants cheese and points] you say "What do you want? use your words?" he points and grunts. "Use your words. Do you want cheese?" point, whine. "Cheese?" cry. "Say Cheese if you want it" Scream. Scream. "Use your words." Scream!! Scream!! Whine point. Get frustrated and give cheese.

boy learns - point, point/grunt, point/whine, cry, scream/scream, scream/scream/whine/point gets me cheese. So, next time i need to let her go through her thing 6 times and i'll get what i want. (we do the same thing w/ dogs and cats)

My friend R.'s son is autistic and they had to make him use his words every time. Literally every time. Whether it was signing or speaking, every time. If they had to help him sign (he wasn't verbal at all until much later) or remind him the words, they had to do it every time. If not, he would regress quickly.

i know you are doing all you can... breathe. Remember, i KNOW how hard what you are doing is... especially so far from a support system. *hug* Kids are frustrating, annoying, and yes, manipulative. And 3 can be manipulative, don't let them fool you - they are smart little buggers. If he can and does talk for others and not for you - it is a power thing. The hard part is to not get into a power struggle - if you can figure out how to do that, let me know... i am still fighting it. *hug*

Ok.. time to go gag my kids. :}

A book recommendation, then...

[anngwish42.livejournal.com]

While I didn't like it as much as some other books, I'm going to recommend that you check out Finding Ben by Barbara LaSalle. Her son had Asperger's, not classic Kanner's autism, but it's worth reading especially for you because she's a lot more willing than most parent-writers to admit to being a total parental fuckup on occasion... she lost her patience plenty of times, made bad treatment decisions, and generally felt like she didn't do a very good job with him... and it's comforting to read her admissions because it helps you realise that you don't have to be a saint with your kid all the time.