My dear old friend, the end...
Sep. 13th, 2005 01:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hippybngstockngIt had to be today. It could have been yesterday, but today likely would have been the day even if we had stayed home. I didn't have the heart to do that though, since I feared she would try to hang around a few more days.
She didn't get up all morning, even when I tried to get her to stand to walk out the door she stumbled. Outside she fell after she peed. I started to carry her to the train station. I only got around the corner when a neighbor spotted me and asked if she was sick. I ended up telling her a large part of the story, and then she saw me start to walk off toward the bus stop and offered me a ride. I took it gladly, since I had told my mother a couple days ago that the thing that would probably make me cry the worst was people telling me how cute she for the whole bus ride to the vets. I thought about putting a cab ride on the credit card, but I ended up making a new friend in an older lady around the corner. I am going to go by her house tomorrow when I feel less sad and thank her, it really meant a lot to me.
Once we were there it took a while, but that was fine. I could tell Betty didn't even know where we were. She wasn't nervous at all, where usually she would at least shake. They took her in the back to put an IV catheter in, and when I got into the room she was just laying there, very resigned. Ready to go. We had to wait for Crash to arrive, but he was only a few minutes away. She was so relaxed I asked them if they had already given her anything, and they said they hadn't. I cried a little, realizing just how ready she was. I can't feel guilty, as it's clear it was the end, and she knew it. Crash arrived, and we waited for a doctor to be available. I had asked for Dr. Tonken, but he was called on an emergency. I didn't need to wait any longer, so we took the other guy willingly since he had a moment. He gave her the first shot, and we're pretty sure she might have passed right then, the other shot was just a formality. She had a couple death tremors, and was really gone. After it was over, we stayed with her body for a while and talked about her and how we maybe should have done this days ago, but our timing has been all kinds of whacked the last bunch of days on account of my mom taking K and our wanting to be sensitive about the ending between them. We let him know this morning as he was leaving for day care that this was it for Betty, she was off to the Rainbow Bridge to be with Gigi and Tatsu, and that we would see her someday. He said a few bye byes, but I don't think he really got the depth of what we were talking about, even though we've talked about it before. Only time will tell with him I guess.
And here's the part where I tell you I am okay, which is basically a lie. I will BE okay, but right now I just still can't imagine the world without Betty in it, even if her part of it for the last bunch of time has been a very quiet in the corner sleeping kinda energy, she was always always by my side. It's going to be a long time before I can stop looking for her around every corner.
I don't think I am going to get another dog just yet. Aside from it being just a bad idea financially for all those we-ain't-got-none russian roulette kinds of reasons, I am also just not ready to deal with trying to find someone who will fill her place emotionally. She was exceptional as dogs go. Just the right kind of loud at the right moments, always good for a laugh, always sweet, very patient... I could go on for days and days about how superior she was to other dogs on many points, despite her one or two somewhat major flaws. She was always underfoot, and loyal to a serious fault (as in wanders off trying to look for us), and it was at times a danger, mostly to her. Ask anyone who ever tried to dog sit for us...
Still, If we had a million dollars, I would have given serious thought to cloning Betty. Everyone should have a chance to have a Betty sometime in their life, she was the ultimate dog. I'm sorry you'll never get to find that out.
Behind clicky is a picture I already had up, later I might throw together a better tribute with more pictures.
Big Bad Betty (aka Benji)
May 23,1989-September 13, 2005
She didn't get up all morning, even when I tried to get her to stand to walk out the door she stumbled. Outside she fell after she peed. I started to carry her to the train station. I only got around the corner when a neighbor spotted me and asked if she was sick. I ended up telling her a large part of the story, and then she saw me start to walk off toward the bus stop and offered me a ride. I took it gladly, since I had told my mother a couple days ago that the thing that would probably make me cry the worst was people telling me how cute she for the whole bus ride to the vets. I thought about putting a cab ride on the credit card, but I ended up making a new friend in an older lady around the corner. I am going to go by her house tomorrow when I feel less sad and thank her, it really meant a lot to me.
Once we were there it took a while, but that was fine. I could tell Betty didn't even know where we were. She wasn't nervous at all, where usually she would at least shake. They took her in the back to put an IV catheter in, and when I got into the room she was just laying there, very resigned. Ready to go. We had to wait for Crash to arrive, but he was only a few minutes away. She was so relaxed I asked them if they had already given her anything, and they said they hadn't. I cried a little, realizing just how ready she was. I can't feel guilty, as it's clear it was the end, and she knew it. Crash arrived, and we waited for a doctor to be available. I had asked for Dr. Tonken, but he was called on an emergency. I didn't need to wait any longer, so we took the other guy willingly since he had a moment. He gave her the first shot, and we're pretty sure she might have passed right then, the other shot was just a formality. She had a couple death tremors, and was really gone. After it was over, we stayed with her body for a while and talked about her and how we maybe should have done this days ago, but our timing has been all kinds of whacked the last bunch of days on account of my mom taking K and our wanting to be sensitive about the ending between them. We let him know this morning as he was leaving for day care that this was it for Betty, she was off to the Rainbow Bridge to be with Gigi and Tatsu, and that we would see her someday. He said a few bye byes, but I don't think he really got the depth of what we were talking about, even though we've talked about it before. Only time will tell with him I guess.
And here's the part where I tell you I am okay, which is basically a lie. I will BE okay, but right now I just still can't imagine the world without Betty in it, even if her part of it for the last bunch of time has been a very quiet in the corner sleeping kinda energy, she was always always by my side. It's going to be a long time before I can stop looking for her around every corner.
I don't think I am going to get another dog just yet. Aside from it being just a bad idea financially for all those we-ain't-got-none russian roulette kinds of reasons, I am also just not ready to deal with trying to find someone who will fill her place emotionally. She was exceptional as dogs go. Just the right kind of loud at the right moments, always good for a laugh, always sweet, very patient... I could go on for days and days about how superior she was to other dogs on many points, despite her one or two somewhat major flaws. She was always underfoot, and loyal to a serious fault (as in wanders off trying to look for us), and it was at times a danger, mostly to her. Ask anyone who ever tried to dog sit for us...
Still, If we had a million dollars, I would have given serious thought to cloning Betty. Everyone should have a chance to have a Betty sometime in their life, she was the ultimate dog. I'm sorry you'll never get to find that out.
Behind clicky is a picture I already had up, later I might throw together a better tribute with more pictures.
Big Bad Betty (aka Benji)
May 23,1989-September 13, 2005
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-09-13 10:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-13 10:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-13 10:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-13 10:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-13 10:55 am (UTC)Betty was a sweet girl. She'll be missed.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-13 11:10 am (UTC)I am so sorry, Sah. She was the best.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-13 11:11 am (UTC)*big hug*
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Date: 2005-09-13 11:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-13 11:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-13 11:30 am (UTC)*hugs*
no subject
Date: 2005-09-13 11:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-13 11:39 am (UTC)Sweet Betty
Date: 2005-09-13 11:48 am (UTC)(((Hugs)))
Sarrabellum and I are thinking of you, and grieving with you...
no subject
Date: 2005-09-13 11:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-13 11:58 am (UTC)I have a fondness for that memory, and you have my deepest sympathies.
I'm so sorry
Date: 2005-09-13 12:15 pm (UTC)*HUG* Try and remember the good times.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-13 12:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-13 02:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-13 05:12 pm (UTC)Wish I could have met you.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-13 05:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-13 07:05 pm (UTC)My thoughts are being sent your way!
no subject
Date: 2005-09-13 07:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-14 04:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-14 02:13 pm (UTC)I'm so very sorry. Losing a friend is never easy, but you know you did the right thing.
*hugs*
no subject
Date: 2005-09-15 08:48 pm (UTC)