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hippybngstockngI wrote a long entry yesterday that started as an update and ended up as a giant brain splat. I have a hard time looking on this as a journal since the whole world can read it- I spend too much time explaining things that a "journal" wouldn't need to know because out of context my life sounds, well... different than it actually is.
So the update part was about K of course. We have had the second visit from the Toronto Pre-school language folks... He's still possibly autistic, possibly whatever, but things have been improving steadily. Kids learn in waves- I remember saying that in my entry and it's true. They learn, they rest, they learn, they rest. I still need to make sure he doesn't end up too far behind, but I am not going to hop on his back with a whip like some mothers I've heard of though- he'll get there whenever and however he means to, and I will help him whenever he needs it. I feel like I spend a lot of time explaining to people about how and why I am not worried, but I think that's just because of the frequency with which people are assuming that I am. What I do is not worry, it's more of a general kind of lamentation that things are they way they are, but it's combined with a lot of acceptance and understanding as well. I just wish if this had to be the way it had to be for him that he had gotten luckier about who he had as a mom. I'm not awful, no, but it sure would be better if my kid was a normal auto-pilot child, since we are both going to have to work pretty hard just to achieve normal at this point. Let's just say I wish Martha Stewart had him, and I was going to prison for her... She'd get the job done right, and I could sit and rot on a bench somewhere like I am bound to do anyway. The only thing I worry about is my ability to keep from dropping the ball.
The rest, the brain splat, went all over the place. It's the PMSing sort of ramble I get tempted to go on this time of month and then get so choked on the TMI of it all that I never post. I start feeling like I never shut up and the reasons why I never started one of these things a long time ago start cropping up again and I start to question why I am bothering. I feel so vain, thinking that anyone would give a crap about my day to day life or what I think about it, but I can't deny how much joy I get out of reading the exact same stuff in other people's journals.
I don't know where I am going with this, probably nowhere so I should quit.
Goodbye Spalding, thank you for what you gave to my life, I hope you do actually feel better now. I wish the world had been enough to bring you peace.
So the update part was about K of course. We have had the second visit from the Toronto Pre-school language folks... He's still possibly autistic, possibly whatever, but things have been improving steadily. Kids learn in waves- I remember saying that in my entry and it's true. They learn, they rest, they learn, they rest. I still need to make sure he doesn't end up too far behind, but I am not going to hop on his back with a whip like some mothers I've heard of though- he'll get there whenever and however he means to, and I will help him whenever he needs it. I feel like I spend a lot of time explaining to people about how and why I am not worried, but I think that's just because of the frequency with which people are assuming that I am. What I do is not worry, it's more of a general kind of lamentation that things are they way they are, but it's combined with a lot of acceptance and understanding as well. I just wish if this had to be the way it had to be for him that he had gotten luckier about who he had as a mom. I'm not awful, no, but it sure would be better if my kid was a normal auto-pilot child, since we are both going to have to work pretty hard just to achieve normal at this point. Let's just say I wish Martha Stewart had him, and I was going to prison for her... She'd get the job done right, and I could sit and rot on a bench somewhere like I am bound to do anyway. The only thing I worry about is my ability to keep from dropping the ball.
The rest, the brain splat, went all over the place. It's the PMSing sort of ramble I get tempted to go on this time of month and then get so choked on the TMI of it all that I never post. I start feeling like I never shut up and the reasons why I never started one of these things a long time ago start cropping up again and I start to question why I am bothering. I feel so vain, thinking that anyone would give a crap about my day to day life or what I think about it, but I can't deny how much joy I get out of reading the exact same stuff in other people's journals.
I don't know where I am going with this, probably nowhere so I should quit.
Goodbye Spalding, thank you for what you gave to my life, I hope you do actually feel better now. I wish the world had been enough to bring you peace.
Re: Time to gently
Date: 2004-03-09 10:43 am (UTC)And I know Martha would likely have turned him to the dark side of the force, it's true :) but at least he would be well fed!