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hippybngstockngYa know, I'm never going to lie to my child, not even little lies, and not even to protect him. That way, 12 or 35 years down the line when I become old and even more stupid than I am now, I won't accidentally reveal the lies because my brain is too weak and feeble to contain them anymore.
Yes folks, my mother lied to me, yes, it was 12 whole fucking years ago, but it was a big one, so I am officially not speaking to her for a bit. I had 2 other updates going that I might try to finish or not, but this was worth mentioning NOW.
Don't lie to your children. They eventually ALWAYS find out.
Yes folks, my mother lied to me, yes, it was 12 whole fucking years ago, but it was a big one, so I am officially not speaking to her for a bit. I had 2 other updates going that I might try to finish or not, but this was worth mentioning NOW.
Don't lie to your children. They eventually ALWAYS find out.
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Date: 2005-09-11 07:00 am (UTC)I think you're wise to not lie to your son...
A bit of distraction, maybe... or just a story...
Date: 2005-09-11 07:36 am (UTC)We told my sibs they were adopted. My sister is going through the process to meet her bio mom. They are sort-of communicating through an intermediary. Once they both agree to meet, the intermediary drops out and they are on their own.
It's interesting. The mom is still shying, for whatever reasons, but her brother is a lawyer, and he has helped propt her to follow up on the letters from the intermediary. He was the one that initially called the number provided, and Mimi (yes, Mimi, really) said that practically the first words out of his mouth were, 'this is about the adoption, isn't it?"
Apparently, her bio mom was married for a long time, but never had any other kids. So Becca is it, for her. And it's weird either way, if she just never had another kid by choice, or if she was never able to have one.
High drama in my little world.
Re: A bit of distraction, maybe... or just a story...
Date: 2005-09-11 08:14 am (UTC)That's some really hard cheese, *hugs* I wish you gentle luck with it. I know it would be especially hard for me to deal with something like that if the person/s who lied to me were now gone, making it impossible for me to confront them and ask them about their reasons. I really feel for your sibs, since at least with this lie, and almost any lie my mom were to tell, I can pretty much imagine and project her reasons, and I know once we talk about it I will be able to be sure and likely even forgive her, it will just take me a moment because I can't let it pass without there being acknowledgment of it.
Interestingly, you've inspired me to confront her about a few extra items next time when we have our confrontation. I would hate to have to cycle through this kind of crap after she's gone. Best plan ahead now.
*extra bonus hugs you could even pass on to your sibs*
*extra bonus hugs you could even pass on to your sibs*.
Date: 2005-09-11 08:49 am (UTC)I saw my sister when she came in for Grandma's funeral. Rebecca was going on about how she's written 'the letter' for her biomom to read and as I was listening, I was thinking... if this were delivered to me, I'd run away screaming.
One of the joys of being sister to Mz. Rizbekki is that we have always been absolute opposites. Makes getting along a real challange, although now that we are both adult, and separated by nearly a continent, it's much easier. *grins*
My brother's story, on the other hand, is much different. He was in hospital and then foster care for six months before being placed with us because he was born with pulmonary hyline membrane disease. He feels that his parents abandoned him. We don't know. He has all sorts of issues that may or may not be due to neo-natal conditions and the isolation of his first six months... He is adamantly not interested in finding out about his bios. Can't say I blame him for that.
Re: *extra bonus hugs you could even pass on to your sibs*.
Date: 2005-09-12 07:28 am (UTC)Re: *extra bonus hugs you could even pass on to your sibs*.
Date: 2005-09-12 08:44 am (UTC)Being a 'bastard' was once such a mark of shame it marked the kid forever, and that was not so very long ago.
So you get a lot of family stories where the kid's 'mother's' sibling or cousin or daughter is actually the bio mom.
But today, I think much of that taboo is gone, and with what they are learning about genetics and disease, you do the kid a diservice to not give them as much info as they can handle... as youth and as adult.
Re: A bit of distraction, maybe... or just a story...
Date: 2005-09-11 12:35 pm (UTC)Imagine never having that feeling. There are so many assumptions that are tied up into heredity. "I know I have to worry about heart disease, because my mother had it," or "man in my family usually live to 85."
My parents screwed up a lot, but this, at least, they did well. I've always known I was adopted, and that my genetics are irrelevant. I'm basically a replicant. I dream of electric sheep. OTOH, they lie about other things, all the time. I just take it as rote that all parents lie. It's what they do. *shrug*
Re: A bit of distraction, maybe... or just a story...
Date: 2005-09-11 04:43 pm (UTC)I'm still not sure which way I go on whether it would have been better to know, or whether maybe the doctors should have noticed it anyway (since neither of them knew family history)...
Re: A bit of distraction, maybe... or just a story...
Date: 2005-09-12 08:46 am (UTC)*giggles*
as it should be!
no subject
Date: 2005-09-11 05:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-11 07:23 pm (UTC)(HUGS)
no subject
Date: 2005-09-12 08:49 am (UTC)Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone,
But still miraculously my own.
Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it
--- Fleur Conkling Heylinger
They always knew, and they always knew that we were FAMILY.