lazy and impatient...
Aug. 16th, 2005 09:54 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hippybngstockngI'm getting too set off by everything around me, already. I feel the PMS approaching, and I feel autumn as well, it's creeping me out. Frenzy is the best way to describe it. Happily, I'm actually rather close to being "done" in so much that things can be done in a place you know you're going to leave in the next 6 months. I feel like a loser though because I'm absolutely obsessed and I've let my intelligence/creative side go completely.
What I really want to do is get my tattoos. I've decided to get some butterfly work done. I've been on this change kick now for a whole shit load of years, so I feel a symbolic connection with them, beyond that they are just pretty. I'm thinking I want to get something truly meaningful, but I'm being hindered by the fact that I know absolutely nothing about bugs, butterflies, or even symbolism, and I'm feeling really distracted and lazy about looking- When I try, I get frustrated by my own stupidity, and then decide I don't have time and move on back to being obsessed with the house, and getting ready to get the hell out of it.
Things feel like panic. I need to get it done, need to get it done right, in the right order, and pretty damn soon... If I don't, I will surely drown. If I look back a year, I'd bet I come across a post or seven that sound JUST like this one.. *sigh* I know what I need to do. I know. I'm just having trouble letting go of my stubborn side. I'm convinced if I can just keep the house clean all winter long, I'll be okay. Sure. Like that will even happen, especially if Crash gets a job. I know what will really happen, and what I need to do if I want to actually try to prevent it. I'm just reluctant because I'm a complete dork.
What I really want to do is get my tattoos. I've decided to get some butterfly work done. I've been on this change kick now for a whole shit load of years, so I feel a symbolic connection with them, beyond that they are just pretty. I'm thinking I want to get something truly meaningful, but I'm being hindered by the fact that I know absolutely nothing about bugs, butterflies, or even symbolism, and I'm feeling really distracted and lazy about looking- When I try, I get frustrated by my own stupidity, and then decide I don't have time and move on back to being obsessed with the house, and getting ready to get the hell out of it.
Things feel like panic. I need to get it done, need to get it done right, in the right order, and pretty damn soon... If I don't, I will surely drown. If I look back a year, I'd bet I come across a post or seven that sound JUST like this one.. *sigh* I know what I need to do. I know. I'm just having trouble letting go of my stubborn side. I'm convinced if I can just keep the house clean all winter long, I'll be okay. Sure. Like that will even happen, especially if Crash gets a job. I know what will really happen, and what I need to do if I want to actually try to prevent it. I'm just reluctant because I'm a complete dork.
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no subject
Date: 2005-08-17 09:25 am (UTC)I just skimmed them; what's more important is what butterflies (or your particular butterfly, stylized however you want) mean to *you*.
I associate them with metamorphasis and transformation; while they are delicate and dance with the wind and flirt with the flowers, monarchs have this enormous migration to South and Central America... over the Gulf of Mexico.
What I do know, about *any* personal symbols, is that they usually entail far more work than at first glance...