Too much thinking...

[hippybngstockng]

I had an uncanny tarot reading yesterday (thanks to the lovely neeuqdrazil), and it mentioned this feeling I keep having...

I feel like I am being handed the answers to the universe sometimes, like I can see the greater picture on a puzzle that no one else has seen, or maybe some have an idea, but no one has said it out loud. It feels like it's on the tip of my tongue sometimes, all I need to do is build up the courage to let the words out, be unafraid of possibly being wrong.

Thing is, in my heart I know I'm not wrong, I really do have the answer, this isn't the bi-polar talking. Well, maybe it is, but only in the sense that I think sometimes bi-polar folks likely do sometimes have the answers, on their good days. It's not a god-like feeling, it's more of a feeling of being small and unimportant, and liking it that way.

The point of the reading though is that I keep not sharing. I resist it because I don't want to be thought of as someone who thinks themselves important enough to think they'd be the only one with important answers to important questions.. It's not like that, it's just that I've taken a long hard look at things, and I think I just finally get it. It's okay to share the things you finally get without it being one big wank, I just feel like that's all it would be if I don't do it just right. I don't trust myself not to screw it up.


I need to let it out, I need to let it go...

But tomorrow because right now I need to go to bed.

Comments

[saavedra77.livejournal.com]

be unafraid of possibly being wrong.

Seriously--take your own advice, Sah! Don't hide your light under a bushel, etc. The rest of us are certainly very free with our opinions & supposed insights. :)

[dartfaerie.livejournal.com]

I *always* appreciate and love when you share with me. Trust your gut instinct, I think it's rarely wrong.

[djinnthespazz.livejournal.com]

Many, many geniuses in the bi-polar catagory.

Time was kinder to them in the past, when life wasn't structured around clocks and calendars so much... if you published one Great Thought every year or so, you could ride on that until the next Great Thought came along.

But today it seems we judge progress in minutes and seconds. No wonder so many of us are going bat-shit-crazy... (er, speaking for myself, of course!)

[koogrr.livejournal.com]

Some days I have a feeling, a cognitive awareness, of a puzzle on the verge of becoming clear. Seeing the patterns, the lines of interactions and causality. How a butterfly flapping its wings one thousand miles away is relevant, just to sound trite. That if it would just become a little clearer, I'd see what needed to be unblocked, where I am, and not so much how I got here, but how to get out.

It lasts for a while, then it goes, and I can never adequately explain.