Eh?

D'Argo, in addition to regrowing his fins, seems to be developing some new color streaks- one of which is green! I doubt I will be able to capture it without putting him in sunlight. A Betta changing color a little isn't unusual, but this is akin to a palette shift, I didn't know they could do that! It's like he's trying to turn into Crichton :)

Moving forward...

We had a lovely Father's day here. We just got back from desert and beer at Future Cafe and Bakery in the lovely and scenic Annex and picking up a movie which all going well we will have the energy to watch. Spent a few hours before the Annex trip farting around the house after coming back from Dim Sum which was ALARMINGLY expensive. Since when can 2 people eat $20 EACH worth of Dim Sum in one sitting? I say never, the price must have gone up while I wasn't looking. It's a good thing I was in a good mood. I was in a good mood because before we went out I did something I haven't done in over 20 years.

I called my father and wished him a happy father's day.

For those of you going "wha?", this isn't really that big a deal, but it's this little petty-ass thing I've been doing to him for a long time because he was mostly absent, and ran my mom into the ground. He and I actually get along really well, and always have, but it's been well acknowledged that a lot of my life sucked because of him, so while I call him dad, he was about as fatherly as a rock. I really loved him anyway, but in that desperate sad way that children love parents that aren't there, so for years I used to take some satisfaction for taking it out on him in little ways like that, and not calling on his birthday, but I've decided that I'm too old for such stupidity and pettiness anymore.

I told him straight up I was "dropping the 'I won't wish you a happy father's day' bit" because I feared that to a certain extent some of his continuing to beat himself up over the past stems from the blaming himself for every aspect of my childhood like he does (and well, he is responsible, but I forgave him), and that I'm not helping the situation by dragging it on and on and on until the end of time. If I forgave him I should be the big person and pick up the damn telephone on the certain stupid day and say the three stupid little words, since it's not like the words make anything WORSE. I do love him, and despite his not being terribly fatherly, he is my dad. If I really wanted to continue to be rude I could say something like "Thanks for the sperm, AssHat" but despite my protesting, and despite his tendencies, I did learn one or two things from him. If he hadn't been my dad, then my life would have taken a completely different shape. Who knows what kind of crap I might have landed in then! From where I stand I got off pretty easy, so I am glad my dad is my dad. Sometimes I wish I could trade in my mom, but then I would have missed my grandma.

This is all her fault by the way... She told me I shouldn't just let him go... I'm finally starting to understand now the way she said I would someday, someday when I stopped being so angry... I think it's also uniquecrash5's fault for being such a great dad and husband, even if he isn't perfect either. It helps take a lot of the sting off of the whole word Father for me. The day itself was a terrifying ordeal in pain for me, and these days it's not so bad. I could probably even peruse the card section without choking on a belly full of rage. Commercials still get me sometimes though, and they may always, but I just try to paint over all that shit with pictures of my husband and son.

A shout out to all you dads, and would-be dads, and kinda sorta dads, and of course primary care givers everywhere. Hope you had a happy day.

All my love to uniquecrash5, who is my favorite daddy of them all.