Sweet decadence
Jan. 23rd, 2004 09:42 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hippybngstockngI get to have my hair done today! *grin*
The guy I go to is wonderful, and when I couldn't find a baby-sitter last time he let me bring K along- he is WONDERFUL with kids, and K would likely be sad if he knew where I was going, but I haven't told him. I've mentioned "my hair appointment" but I am pretty sure he still doesn't know what appointment means, so I think we're okay. He is going to hang out with M, and also the baby-sitter I've mentioned whom K loves. She was here again yesterday and he was just glowing the whole time. She works with kids for a living, even works with autistic kids (another reason why I don't stress over the possibility that K might be slightly autistic) and she is super cool. I'll try to come up with a name for her so I don't have to always say "that baby sitter" soon, I promise, the problem here is that her name also starts with M, as does M's father's name, and also half of![[info]](https://stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
uniquecrash5's friends up here... Makes it hard to just use initials and I've never been good at giving people nicknames. I did really well naming my child A after all as most of you know... Couldn't use it, couldn't say it, and then someone went and called him "Big Al." and I called him K ever after that. I will inform people that A is really his name if they have a document that says that, but then I inform them that we call him K and he is to be called K until he asks otherwise.
But "that baby-sitter" being here yesterday allowed me to finally put away all the laundry that had collected in our bedroom and do some loads that needed washing. I also managed to comment on a whole lot of posts yesterday, though never managed to make one of my own.
I feel pretty numb these days, I imagine it's the "seasonal asshole disorder" thatquinnclub was referring to. I have a very flaky and fickle tendency in winter. I can be overcome with passion about a thing, and then abandon it halfway through. I can make huge plans and then cancel with little notice. I apologize for every little thing I do, good and bad. I get sick a lot, and my depression, my almost constant quiet companion, becomes louder and more in charge. I think positively awful things about myself and cut myself off from things because I feel like it's appropriate even though I know in my mind it's really not.
Just know that if I haven't said anything to you lately, it's not from a lack of loving you, it's from a lack of feeling like I have anything useful to say. I'm useful to some but not others right now... I have that mommy-focus going on if you know what I mean...
I'm actually feeling pretty good today- but I think it's all just the hair thing. I have an over-fascination with my own hair, I know some of you know this, but in case you didn't know it, it's true... I will go out looking like I just stepped out of a Salvation Army clothes dumpster sometimes, but my hair will always look cool...
The guy I go to is wonderful, and when I couldn't find a baby-sitter last time he let me bring K along- he is WONDERFUL with kids, and K would likely be sad if he knew where I was going, but I haven't told him. I've mentioned "my hair appointment" but I am pretty sure he still doesn't know what appointment means, so I think we're okay. He is going to hang out with M, and also the baby-sitter I've mentioned whom K loves. She was here again yesterday and he was just glowing the whole time. She works with kids for a living, even works with autistic kids (another reason why I don't stress over the possibility that K might be slightly autistic) and she is super cool. I'll try to come up with a name for her so I don't have to always say "that baby sitter" soon, I promise, the problem here is that her name also starts with M, as does M's father's name, and also half of
uniquecrash5's friends up here... Makes it hard to just use initials and I've never been good at giving people nicknames. I did really well naming my child A after all as most of you know... Couldn't use it, couldn't say it, and then someone went and called him "Big Al." and I called him K ever after that. I will inform people that A is really his name if they have a document that says that, but then I inform them that we call him K and he is to be called K until he asks otherwise.But "that baby-sitter" being here yesterday allowed me to finally put away all the laundry that had collected in our bedroom and do some loads that needed washing. I also managed to comment on a whole lot of posts yesterday, though never managed to make one of my own.
I feel pretty numb these days, I imagine it's the "seasonal asshole disorder" that
quinnclub was referring to. I have a very flaky and fickle tendency in winter. I can be overcome with passion about a thing, and then abandon it halfway through. I can make huge plans and then cancel with little notice. I apologize for every little thing I do, good and bad. I get sick a lot, and my depression, my almost constant quiet companion, becomes louder and more in charge. I think positively awful things about myself and cut myself off from things because I feel like it's appropriate even though I know in my mind it's really not.Just know that if I haven't said anything to you lately, it's not from a lack of loving you, it's from a lack of feeling like I have anything useful to say. I'm useful to some but not others right now... I have that mommy-focus going on if you know what I mean...
I'm actually feeling pretty good today- but I think it's all just the hair thing. I have an over-fascination with my own hair, I know some of you know this, but in case you didn't know it, it's true... I will go out looking like I just stepped out of a Salvation Army clothes dumpster sometimes, but my hair will always look cool...
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no subject
Date: 2004-01-23 07:59 am (UTC)Hey, me too! *hug*
no subject
Date: 2004-01-23 01:57 pm (UTC)I hope you feel better soon!
P.S. Your child-naming saga has served the Spoos quite well. When anyone hassles them (okay, only one person/couple has been hassling them too much) someone patiently relays what you two went through with K to demonstrate why they are NOT, no matter how much someone pleads, telling the name.