Why am I posting?
Jan. 7th, 2004 09:15 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hippybngstockngBecause I'll do almost anything to delay leaving for my mom's house.
I usually feel bad for my mom, most people who actually know her usually do. She's one of those people with everything going for her and zero ability to use it to a certain extent. She's a painter but she rarely paints. She's got a good personality when she's not pissed about something but she's not good at talking to people she doesn't know, and she never calls the people she does know and she's always pissed at her family who are the only people she ever sees. I feared that would be the case if she moved to Ohio, and indeed it has become so. She's got like 2 friends besides my aunt who are really my aunt's friends and she only sees them when she's with my aunt.
I've tried being friends with her though, and that doesn't work. It's really weird. I agree with my mom on a lot of issues, but the ones that we don't agree on are kind of "clinchers" for me. Things that I believe strongly enough in that if someone who I am an acquaintance with were to have an opposing view I couldn't feel comfortable calling them "friend" unless there was some other very serious draw. I'm talking about big issues, like racism for example. My mom won't acknowledge that she's kind of racist. She's not actively racist or anything, and she isn't rude because she is respectful, but it's that underlying racism that stereotypes bring about- she won't take people from certain races seriously because of certain beliefs she has. It's not the views so much as the way her interaction with me brings them out that prevents her from being my "friend". The weird part is I can be very friendly with my dad and he and I have about as opposite views as you can manage and still be in the same room with a person. I've had other friends like this in the past and I think it has to do with personality and time. If the person has a compelling enough personality, and I am around them for long enough to get to know the person behind the viewpoint I can often accept them as they are and even call them "good friend" even if I could never agree with them, and might be downright scared to take them to parties... I could just picture my dad at a party thrown by![[info]](https://stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
tafkar for example. I am sure someone would eventually have him strung up by his shorts. Suffice it to say he and I just don't talk about politics, we know it's not safe. He's also not the best at not making terribly offensive queer jokes...
Speaking of parents and homophobia- another funny thing about my mom. She claims to be "straight but not narrow". She is straight, that's not in doubt, but she is narrow- Part of her nature is that she is kind of a know-it-all about anything she's even had remote contact with. She has no problem with gay men, but since she is a woman, she has this tendency to view all lesbians and bi women as "losers" who gave up on men too quickly. If by giving up you mean not settling for anyone who will have you just because they are the only thing with a penis within a 50 mile radius then maybe, but since most people I know actually like to be in relationships with people who they love and who bring them some sort of satisfaction regardless of gender then no... But since my mom is sure that's what they're doing, then that must be what they're doing...
It's things like this that make me periodically feel the need to piss her off by reminding her that regardless of the fact that I am married to a man that I continue to be bisexual since it isn't an ACTION.
Well I am sure my laundry is probably dry so I have no more excuses. I should stop my avoidance behaviors and get to the matter at hand.
I usually feel bad for my mom, most people who actually know her usually do. She's one of those people with everything going for her and zero ability to use it to a certain extent. She's a painter but she rarely paints. She's got a good personality when she's not pissed about something but she's not good at talking to people she doesn't know, and she never calls the people she does know and she's always pissed at her family who are the only people she ever sees. I feared that would be the case if she moved to Ohio, and indeed it has become so. She's got like 2 friends besides my aunt who are really my aunt's friends and she only sees them when she's with my aunt.
I've tried being friends with her though, and that doesn't work. It's really weird. I agree with my mom on a lot of issues, but the ones that we don't agree on are kind of "clinchers" for me. Things that I believe strongly enough in that if someone who I am an acquaintance with were to have an opposing view I couldn't feel comfortable calling them "friend" unless there was some other very serious draw. I'm talking about big issues, like racism for example. My mom won't acknowledge that she's kind of racist. She's not actively racist or anything, and she isn't rude because she is respectful, but it's that underlying racism that stereotypes bring about- she won't take people from certain races seriously because of certain beliefs she has. It's not the views so much as the way her interaction with me brings them out that prevents her from being my "friend". The weird part is I can be very friendly with my dad and he and I have about as opposite views as you can manage and still be in the same room with a person. I've had other friends like this in the past and I think it has to do with personality and time. If the person has a compelling enough personality, and I am around them for long enough to get to know the person behind the viewpoint I can often accept them as they are and even call them "good friend" even if I could never agree with them, and might be downright scared to take them to parties... I could just picture my dad at a party thrown by
tafkar for example. I am sure someone would eventually have him strung up by his shorts. Suffice it to say he and I just don't talk about politics, we know it's not safe. He's also not the best at not making terribly offensive queer jokes...Speaking of parents and homophobia- another funny thing about my mom. She claims to be "straight but not narrow". She is straight, that's not in doubt, but she is narrow- Part of her nature is that she is kind of a know-it-all about anything she's even had remote contact with. She has no problem with gay men, but since she is a woman, she has this tendency to view all lesbians and bi women as "losers" who gave up on men too quickly. If by giving up you mean not settling for anyone who will have you just because they are the only thing with a penis within a 50 mile radius then maybe, but since most people I know actually like to be in relationships with people who they love and who bring them some sort of satisfaction regardless of gender then no... But since my mom is sure that's what they're doing, then that must be what they're doing...
It's things like this that make me periodically feel the need to piss her off by reminding her that regardless of the fact that I am married to a man that I continue to be bisexual since it isn't an ACTION.
Well I am sure my laundry is probably dry so I have no more excuses. I should stop my avoidance behaviors and get to the matter at hand.
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no subject
Date: 2004-01-07 06:03 pm (UTC)This is not an example of how, just something that your entry reminded me of...
When my mom was here for Thanksgiving, she did a bit of ranting about Jews. Why are they always such victims? They aren't the only ones that have had a holocaust. Et cetera. Smartly, she saved these little rants for me amd me alone, being well aware of Duncan's Jewish ancestry and identifying as a Jew. I just stared at her and never answered. Until she said that she wanted to ask Duncan some questions about why Jews are "always like that." (I don't know "like what") I laughed so hard and acidly that I think she was startled. I told her that I could not stress enough how BAD of an idea that was, that he would be INCREDIBLY offended. Then I said, "They aren't all alike! Mom, just because he's a Jew doesn't mean he's the SPOKESJEW! He's *A* Jew, not *THE* Jew."
I'll be thinking of you and hoping you get to come home very soon. Call us if you need to yell.
Oh - Duncan's going to need to go through his LPs & cassettes to see if he has that song you were looking for. He definitely doesn't have it on CD. I'll remind him.