A lash from the past

It's really funny when you get back in touch with people you used to know back when you were still forming as a person- Most of the time it's a moment where old friends catch up and find out how each other have changed, but I have some very special, very angry friends...

And it got me to thinking about why I think having a live journal will be at all fun or good for me. I go toward things like this looking for the ability to share in a fun or therapeutic way or whatever, but I always manage to say something eventually to make someone get cranky.

In this case the friend is prone to crankiness, but all the same it was one of those great example of how maybe it's best to just keep out of it. Even light involvement seems to generate crap for me-

OKay, context... For historical irony lets call this friend "Martyr" which is what I used to call him back in the day...

So I am mailing everyone who is in my address book trying to catch people I've missed giving my new contact information to. Typical post moving stuff. Martyr was one of my bounces I decided to follow up on. I end up plodding through old mail, and finally find an address I hadn't tried for Martyr, so I fwd the original mass mail msg.

A few days later I get a pleasant note saying congrats on not being a big schlob anymore, and letting me know not much has changed with him. Makes one comment about his personal nature that makes me chuckle but wonder.

So for more context, Martyr wasn't just a friend back in the day, he was a close friend. With close friends I feel I can make certain jokes, comments, or suggestions that I wouldn't normally make with other people.

So here of course is the part where I open my big mouth- Martyr says he's been "whoring around" which to me means one of two things about Martyr specifically- He's made peace with the fact that he doesn't want a relationship, or that he is still in an angry place about relationships and using his slutty nature to make his last girlfriend suffer. It was one of those short statements that doesn't really define it either way, so I make a supposed-to-be cute comment about how it's okay if he's made peace with being a slut, and that some sluts even find love with other sluts, basically trying to find out whether he's really happy being a slut or whether it's cover like it was in the past...

Needless to say Martyr went off like the land mine that he is with a rant that included the implication that married people are useless loafers who in their bound state could never be a contribution to society... Nothing about me directly, but anyone who's even thought about getting married briefly would feel the sting of this one.

Maybe there's just a limit to how long you can go not being in direct contact with someone and stay at any kind of a personal level with them. Martyr was always a little reactionary, but this kind of anger shows me that he's forgotten who I am, and that I have an inkling about who he was at least.

"Next week on 'When Old Friends Attack!'..."

Anyway, it got me thinking about how I feel about talking to the outside world again. I don't know how I feel about it anymore. I half enjoyed it when I was loathed and revered for my dorm column. Sometimes it was hard to deal with someone who was mad about something I said. People sometimes have a hard time separating "your opinion" from "the truth". I don't like to have to be the one to make the distinction for them when they are in my face yelling about something I said that I know is pretty much as big a load of crap as they say it is... I don't ever complain about someone wanting to change my mind, but presentation is everything in that case- I don't like being yelled at, though I have done my share of yelling in my time as well, though generally not ever directly AT someone.

I guess Martyr wasn't yelling *at* me per se, but he was yelling *near* me and that's usually enough to make me step back.

The Toddler Tornado is still sleeping- he had a terrible time getting to sleep. We are both sick, and he had a clogged nose. I was determined to get him to sleep in his room so he would be with a humidifier, but as a result we didn't get in there until about 4 AM due to my unwillingness to lie on the floor and watch Thomas the train.

If they made a Thomas the Train patch for kids I would consider getting it for my kid... He wants to go to sleep watching Thomas, when he gets up the first words out of his mouth are usually, "Watch Thomas", and when Thomas is playing he stands there chattering away at the TV like it was his best friend, and when the thing is off I can't get him to tell me whether he wants milk. It sounds kind of funny, but it's actually kind of terrifying. He's fine when he's not in the house, but in the house he wants Thomas to be playing almost constantly and throws long fits if he doesn't get to watch these two tapes... I got a phone number from a friend for a speech therapy consult thing that I am going to call- I think he is learning plenty, it's the way he chooses to use, or not to use words that gives me more concern.

I wonder if they have toddler psychotherapy.

I am off to enjoy a few more minutes of grown up time before the Thomas begging begins...